Category: Moyan

Patah

Dad fell down in the bathroom whilst showering to get ready for Jummu’ah prayers today and broke his hip. Subhanallah! He is now in Alty Hospital where his orthopaedic surgeon (the one who did both his knee replacements) has his practice. Dato’ Dr Badrul Shah Badaruddin used to practise out of Prince Court Hospital but has since relocated to his own practice at Alty on Jalan Ampang (right next to The Linc, where the first DeWan 1958 is situated).

pic courtesy of medlineplus.gov

Dad cannot have surgery right away because he is on Cardipirin, a blood thinning medication and Dato’ Dr Bad says they have to wait for its effects to wear off first. On top of that the replacement ball joint he wants to “install” in my father is not available in stock and they have had to place an order. Boleh?!

So the upshot is, Dad has to wait till Monday to have surgery to repair his broken hip. It broke at the ball joint between the femur and the pelvic bone, so that’s the part that has to be replaced. Poor Daddy, he now has to be on oral AND intravenous painkillers because he has to wait things out till Monday. He told me that it was very painful when he first fell.

Masalahnya, why did he go and bathe in the downstairs bathroom of his house? He has a bathroom on the same level as his bedroom upstairs but he chose to go down to bathe. On top of all that, he had LOCKED THE DOOR of the bedroom of the en suite bathroom that he took his bath in. When he fell, thankfully the helper was downstairs also, so she heard him call out.. saying that he had fallen. Subhanallah…. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Alhamdulillah she always has the spare key of that bedroom with her and she was able to open the door and “rescue” Dad.

pic courtesy of medlineplus.gov

At first, he didn’t want the helper to tell Auntie V, but the pain got so unbearable that he finally acquiesced. By then, he couldn’t move at all… so Auntie V had to call an ambulance for him. We all know why he went down and locked the door. Dia nak pergi tengok duit dia. استغفر الله العظيم 🤦🏻‍♀️

On top of all that, when Auntie V wanted to change the tiles to the non-slip tiles, he forbade her because he didn’t want to be bothered with the sound of hacking. Haaa.. sekarang dah mendapat. سبحا ن الله At the very least, they could have placed those rubber non-slip pads/tiles on top of the floor… but of course I think that got the veto also from Dad. Then again, I think Auntie V should have been more proactive. When Dad moved upstairs, she should just have gone ahead and changed the tiles in the downstairs AND upstairs bathrooms. Nak save RM10k, say, now have to fork out prolly RM40k for the surgery and hospital fees.

It looks like another Raya at the hospital for us this year. The last one was 9 years ago, when Allahyarhamha Mum was in the ICU 😔 She made it to the next Raya, returning to Rahmatullah on 11th Shawal 1436.

اللهم اغفرلها وارحمها وعافها واعف عنها

May Allah SWT Grant ease and complete shifa’ to Dad. Aameen. 🤲🏻

Don’t Push Me To My Gila

I really abhor it when people take advantage of me. This morning, my cousin Yuni (I think I mentioned her a few posts back), texted me asking me whether her meeting with my Dad, Ayah Alang and Mak Chu was still on at 11:00a.m.

Errr.. hel-lo. You have your uncles’ numbers, their respective wives’ numbers… why can’t you message or call them yourself and ask? Why do you have to ask ME? I am not a party to the meeting and the proceedings. I had already gone enough out of my way to fill the forms for them, printed the forms out and personally deliver the forms to each and every one of them. Tak cukup lagi ke?

It wasn’t MY responsibility… it’s hers. She needed a job done but she just left everything on her elderly uncles and aunt. I stepped in because I knew they would require help. Apa punya perangailah Kak Yuni ni… Dah 64 pung still cannot use her head wisely and think what behaviour would be appropriate when dealing with your elderly uncles and aunt. On top of that, treating me as if I was her personal assistant/secretary. Banyaaaaak cantik! 😡 Daripada orang ikhlas nak tolong, trusss jadi tak ikhlas. Berpada²lah… bila orang dah sanggup nak tolong tu, janganlah kau LENJAN macam aku ni khadam kau pulak!

So penyudahnya, I BLOCKED her everywhere ~ Waksep, phone and segala bagai messaging apps. Gudlak lah nak use me again! 😡

Wes has been out with his friends who are visiting KayHell from the soni dharti since this morning. He has to play tourist guide to them. I hope the inveterate narcissist in him is not spending tonnes of money he can ill afford just to impress these people. Tomorrow, what was supposed to be just an iftar with Ustadh Shafiq, has expanded to be a whole shebang with 8 people (including him). He had chosen to break fast at Bedouin, an Arab restaurant near our house here, that charges RM85++ per head.

*shakes my head*

This is a man who doesn’t even give RM50 to his sons, even symbolically, for allowance/spending money… but he can spend that much on strangers. I am not going to lie and say I don’t resent it. This is a man who takes all of us for granted. I feel bad for my boys.RM85++ per head times 8, comes up to RM 788.80. Memang susah nak ikhlas. He knows what kind of difficult situation I find myself in right now, my investments stuck on all fronts with absolutely NO INCOME coming in.

I am supporting the entire family on my savings now… and look what he does. The money that I set aside for his spending whilst he is back here, he is spending on all this. Doesn’t he feel that he should at least be economical and streeeeeetch it for as much as he can? His narcissism and wanting to “look good” in the eyes of others doesn’t allow for it, I am sad to report.

He paid for an expensive 5-star hotel for these friends when they arrived late last night. Then when I said, why should you spend so much… you can get a hotel just as good up the road for much cheaper. He got tetchy and upset. Told me that if he runs out of money he will just ask me for more (in a joking manner… but we ALL know many a true thing is said in jest, kan?) I am sorry to report those days are long gone.. I can’t be his safety net carte blanche anymore.

Sebab tu aku kata, banyak betulnya apa yang abang dia AH tu cakap pasal dia. Wes tells his sister that he will DIE first before dishonour. So asking your wife for money is an “honourable” act, is it?

Carik Chan

I don’t like to write in this blog when Wes is around. This evening he has an iftar do at our religious class centre (let’s call the place AK). He left around 630pm just now and I am now taking the chance to dash off a quick entry whilst I can.

I baked a fudge-y brownie for Ustadh Shafiq this morning before my AI Capital Zoom Meet. Wes wanted to give Ustadh an “iftar pack” (tahapa² entah dalam kepala dia ~ “iftar pack”) when he meets Ustadh Shafiq at the do at AK this evening. I didn’t understand him at first, thinking why would he want to give Ustadh an “iftar pack” if they are already going to have iftar at the centre? Rupanya he wanted to give a Ramadhan gift pack…

Ramadhan dah nak habis dah mana nak cari Ramadhan gift packs lagi ni.. so I just said I’d bake Ustadh and his children the brownies that I usually bake for them. So itulah ceritanya… then whilst I was making the brownies this morning, Wes came down to the kitchen and said he would like to taste a piece. Hadoiii… if I give him a piece, rosaklah the whole look of the entire tray of brownies that I want to give to Ustadh S! SO now…after my taraweeh in a while, I am going to go down to whip up another batch of fudge-y brownies. (I even bought some vanilla ice-cream just now, just for the ‘occasion’! 😆)

Dato’ Seri Michael MyAss Liew 🐽 Penipu Scammer Cheebuy

Had to meet our lawyer, Richard (Rick), at Dad’s this afternoon. Rick had also requested to meet up with Zane. It was a fruitful meeting I think, because at least Dad and Zane were put up to speed with the latest developments in the progress of our legal action against Rainmaker, Asia Cornerstone, Crest Advisory and ACE.

Rick did say that the case against Rainmaker et al is proving to be difficult because we need to pin the case on the owner of all these disparate companies. The cross-holdings and convoluted network of companies and the structure within which each operates make it very difficult to pin things down on that bagero Michael Marcus Liew. Rick was saying we have to start to think “out of the box”, may have to bend a few (minor) rules to get to where we want.

!الله المستعان

Auntie V told me that she will be going to Londres after Eid with Maya, her “princess”. They were supposed to go back to the “kampung” but since tak jadi, they are STILL going to go travel. Kata duit tak ada, but still travelling halfway across the world, with airline tickets costing the way they do these days. Mengarut betul. No wonder Dad is loathe to give this woman any money. I think money is like a glowing coal that burns a hole in her pocket… she just HAS to ‘get rid’ of it, no matter what. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Habis duit esok-esok… don’t look at me 🫤🤷🏻‍♀️

Biawak Idup

Two of Wes‘ friends/colleagues from his office overseas are visiting KL. They came down from a conference in Bangkok and want to spend a few days in KL and then go to Langkawi. My whole afternoon was wasted just tending to the narcissist’s need to please others.

Kawan dia yang datang, aku pulak yang tak pepasal terpaksa bersusah-payah nak kena find out itu ini, book itu ini. (Update: And bila deyols dah sampai, boleh pulak macam cast aspersions kata dia dapat 5-star hotel which is far cheaper than the one we booked. Ada bezalah woii.. and in the first place, I don’t think the R*yale Chul*n Damansara is of 5-star standard but wotever… 🤷🏻‍♀️ *shrug*)

Wes insisted on paying for their 5-star hotel stay, the one near our house. Dia ingat murah² kot, but didn’t realise the cheap prices he saw on Book*ng.c*m did not include breakfast, and breakfast is rather expensive as compared to at the Royale Chulan. Masalah dengan dia ni, banyak assume sana-sini. Amendaaalah. On top of all that, he didn’t realise that the prices quoted on the booking site are all “++”, which means 10% service charge and 6% sales tax is not included in the price. Bila dah dicongak² balik baru terlopong 😲

He had spoken to Ustadh Shafiq earlier in the day and he invited Ustadh sometime next week, before the last 10 nights of Ramadhan starts. Ustadh graciously accepted his invitation, Alhamdulillah. Later in the evening, when I asked Wes whether I should make a reservation for TWO at the restaurant he had chosen for him and Ustadh, he told me… no, wait first… coz the list has now expanded… to EIGHT.

Now it was my turn to terlopong 😲… sambil 🤦🏻‍♀️ *facepalm*. Aku nak pergi supermarket and buy the (expensive) groceries that he eats pun aku terpaksa berkira each RM100, and he nicely invites so many people to an iftar that he can ill-afford. (Buffet price RM100 per person at the restaurant he chose). In the first place, can they even eat to justify the cost of the buffet… no one can eat much by this point of Ramadhan, our stomachs have shrunk so much. (Alhamdulillah for that lah kan…) Si Harambae Opportunist yang aku menyampah tu pun diajaknya. 😤

Bersepah biawak idup dalam dunia ni…

Maaflah, daripada ikhlas jadi tak ikhlas… sebab dah menjadi beban. Wes Alasdair Coen CONSTANTLY and PERPETUALLY pushes me into this ‘zone’/situation and I am sick and tired of it. Dia tak rasalah bebannya, coz… he doesn’t pay a single sen for the expenditure of anything in this family. I am the one carrying everything. He even mentioned when I said why should you spend so much on the two friends coming to KL when we are going through hard times now, “Never mind lah, if I finish my money, I just ask you”. He said that with his usual snigger, but I know he wasn’t joking. Living with him for 30+ years has taught me that he doesn’t joke about these things.

Kata “honourable” sangat.. #DeathBeforeDishonour bagai… but asik mendesak duit daripada bini tu “honourable” sangat ke? Hamboiiii sedapnya. Aku ni mint money ke? Those days are long gone ya, pakcik… tapi kalau aku sebut kau pulak tak suka and will start to show me muka masam and treat me with your legendary manipulative cold silences.

I am T-I-R-E-D. Sometimes I wonder why am I still here *deep sigh*

Mi Mancherai, Mummy

Today is one of those days when I feel like running to my mother’s grave and hugging her batu nisan and sob my heart out. I am feeling very down dooby doo down down today… and I miss my mother SOOOOOOO MUCH.

I didn’t think my life would change as it did when she returned to Rahmatullah. My whole word turned upside down, topsy turvy… I was left to deal with a father who would CONDEMN me, just for protecting Allahyarhamha Mummy’s interest. After 51 years of being married to her, the long-suffering and patient wife who never ever stood up against him… he can’t even bring himself to honour her memory and legacy in the way that she deserves to be honoured.

Ma, I wish I could turn back time and I would never have left your side for even a second. I would have bled myself dry just to make you happy. I would have spent those last moments before you breathed your last begging your forgiveness and telling you how much I love you and what a wonderful mother you were to me. You were the bestest ever. So many people I met, even after your return to Rahmatullah…. they would tell me how wonderful you were. To know you was to love you, Ma… May Allah SWT Grant you the Highest Jannah. May the barzakh be a peaceful and cool abode for you.

I miss you. I love you.

Resignation

Yesterday I finally finished all the monthly reports for our family’s charitable fund, that goes by the acronym TPKHAS. I gatal² pi volunteer to be the Treasurer at its inception… now padankan dengan muka aku. 😅 Bak kata Mr Os terlajak overbite, “tak ada keghoje cari keghoje” 😂

My aunt (Dad’s youngest sister), Olivia, is the chairperson for said fund. She refers to me as “Puan Bendahari” when referring to me in my capacity as the fund’s Treasurer 😆 Wot a bleddy thankless job.. not that I am hard-up for the family members’ gratitude but show some appreciation lah for our efforts in wanting to keep the family united and closer through this fund and its charitable contributions.

As my cousin, one of the regular contributors to the fund said to me, “No one really cares.” He is absolutely RIGHT. No one in the entire family gives a shite, really. Here I was, being stressed because I haven’t finished the monthly reports since December 2021 but no one cares whether I put them up or not. In the family Waksep group yesterday, I told everyone I am resigning from the job because I cannot deal with the extra stress (on top of my worrying about my capital that bleddy Rainmaker and ACE are not returning to me yet!) I cited my anxiety and mental health issues, no one even bothered to write to me and make appropriate noises wishing me well or whatnot… absolutely nothing, except for my cousin Zack here (Zack is Aunt Olivia’s eldest son).

Wes is off to KLIA to pick up our spiritual guru and Ustadh, Dato’ SHY. He had sent Dato’ SHY off to the airport last Thursday night, because he had told Dato’ SHY that he is free for whatever “khidmat” he can perform for him. So he as asked by SHY to drive him to his medical appointment in town last Tuesday and then to the airport on Thursday night for him to catch his 2am flight to DBX. Today SHY returns to KayHell and lagi sekali abam volunteered lah kan… to pick him up. 😏

Mungkin ini pun masuk category “tak ada keghoje cari keghoje” 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yesterday Crest and The Rainmaker emailed me their settlement proposal… which is totally unacceptable to me. Can you imagine they just want to pay back 20% of my investment capital in cash and the remaining 80% in “transfer of shares in public listed companies”. Poonders lah… If it were 80% cash and 20% in shares, I might consider. And the shares… which companies? Kalau Maybank ke, Public Bank ke, Hong Leong ke.. OK lah. Sekali kau bagi shares in some company that makes dedak ayam but happens to be floated on the KLSE. Company yang retak menunggu PN4. Puuuiiiii….

Melampau betei.. I hope our lawyers can negotiate a better deal for us. InshaaAllah… Aameen! 🤲🏻

Awkwardness

I owe these pages a story that I mentioned in the post the day before yesterday. Something “interesting” that happened.

Alex was coming home that day (Friday) from his campus and I was planning to make his favourite sliders (with my own homemade buns) and told Wes that I was going to go out to get some of the ingredients for them. He was looking at his usual YouTube vids and he looked up and said, “You’re a very good mother”. I was rather taken aback because I didn’t expect him to say something like that. (I should also mention that this is the same man who not so long ago said he never expected me to turn out to be a mother like I am when he married me, a terrible one who doesn’t know how to take care of her children… just because Sascha ordered a whole box of doughnuts and tried to hide it *shrug*)

I didn’t quite know how to respond because deep down I always doubt the nice things he says to me because there have been too many incidents when, almost in the next breath, I will be called names and so many aspersions will be cast upon me. So I am very wary when he praises me or says nice things about/to me. Rather sad, but there you are…. 😔

I just made some noises/a rather weak protestation that I am not one but I just TRY to be a good mother when he suddenly continued and said, “.. and a good wife too” and started to tear up! Wah… lagilah acik terkezut mawas! Siap amek tissue lap air mata nih.. He continued to say “we are all very lucky to have you in our lives and I always make du’aas that Allah keeps you healthy and safe”. I am embarrassed (?) to report that I was rather nonplussed and didn’t know what to say, so I just prattled on saying things I didn’t mean like “No, I am the lucky one”😬 yadda yadda yadda…

It was rather awkward. I actually went up to hug him when he was crying but all I felt was awkward, awkward, awkward…

pic courtesy of Truth & Authenticity

The thing is, with his narcissistic self, I never know whether he truly means it or he’s just love-bombing me to get his “supply”. (“Supply” for a narcissist is not necessarily monetary/material.. it could be adulation, support, validation… or whatever else that he needs to make himself feel good). It’s very sad that water under the bridge has brought me to this point. I would like to be able to take his praise and nice words at face value… but too many times, he has made me regret taking the nice things he says at face value because he turns 180 and calls me names, tells me to go die, tells me he never really loved me…

SO… do you blame me? 😢

Cautionary tale here, folks. Be wary of the words you say to your spouse. It may cause lasting damage… 😔

Puro Dolor

With Wes back it’s rather difficult to keep up to a post a day on here.

I have been in excruciating pain since Ramadhan 1444H started ~ sciatica flare-up. Nerve pain that shoots from my L4-L5 region up to my shoulder blades and down to the side of my left leg down to the ankle.

It’s so painful that I can’t sleep 😣

I got myself a TENS machine that is helping greatly, Alhamdulillah.

Epiphany

This family has gained a new supir, Alex passed his driving test yesterday (3rd time lucky!) I had already told him if he didn’t pass this time, I will not be paying for further tests nor extra classes 😅 Alhamdulillah, he passed. He had gotten “stuck” on the circuit (litar) part of the test, previously. The first time it was because he wasn’t used to the car used in the test and the clutch “sensitivity” was different and as a result of fumbling, he couldn’t hold his position when asked to stop on the hill part of the circuit.

When he was a toddler, Alex loved cars. Lightning McQueen was one of his faves. Tidur pun pegang Lightning McQueen in one chubby hand and the other hand will be clutching another toy car. I had to gently pry the toy cars out of his hands every night whilst he was fast asleep 😆

The second time, parallel parking was his undoing. He wasn’t exactly in the box ke apa. Whatever it is, Alhamdulillah that he has passed now. His brother Sascha passed the first time around because he took an automatic car licence test. Alex nak “flex” and tunjuk macho by taking a manual car licence test, so mendapatlah dengan clutch segala bagai 😅 It’s a good thing though that he can drive a stick. It could be a skill that can come in handy, who knows. Like that time when we were in Cape Town and the only automatic car left to rent was a Mercedes E-Class that would have cost me RM5,000 for 3 days. The alternative was a manual V*lkswagen Polo… so acik was forced to use her rusty stick-driving skillz 😆 Cuba kalo acik tak reti drive manual. Melopong lah… the family wedding convoy schtick at the time required everyone to have cars.

In other news, I want to record here for posterity that two days ago, Wes told me he realised something… perhaps a bit too late.. that he should have stuck with his ventures even when things went very badly. (Haaaa… finally!) He said, all his friends who stuck with things even when things went badly pear-shaped, managed to make something of themselves… managed to succeed.

Yalah, kau kan ada “safety net” aka yours truly. This is why you never had the staying power to stick with your business ventures to see them through. Susah skit, givap… rasa pressured sikit mulalah buat excuses nak cabut lari. Wes does have this tendency… to escape, to run away… when he cannot handle things. He even left us, his family… the children were so small still to kononnya try his luck overseas.

Did he ask me first whether I would be OK on my own with the kids..? NOT AT ALL. He never asked me whether it was OK for him to leave me on my own to care for our small children and myself… he just TOLD me he was not coming back home after he went to visit his dying father (whom I adored to pieces). Boleh? So apalah takat business² dia tu dia nak tinggalkan. Kita ni yang memang TANGGUNGJAWAB dan AMANAH yang Allah SWT letakkan kat dia pun dia boleh leave just like that. So…? *shrug*

Baguslah at this ripe old age nak masuk 6-series ni, he finally got the “epiphany” (which was terang lagi bersuluh Stadium Camp Nou for everyone else around him to see dah lama berjaman… but tak apalah…) I just mentioned the adage, “A rolling stone gathers no moss”. He heartily agreed, as though he heard it the first time. May Allah SWT Guide you to be someone who is stronger and more steadfast to anything you commit to, Wes. May Allah SWT turn you into a “stone that gathers moss”. Aameen!

Sebabi itu acik rasa, what AH said in his vitriolic missives to Wes tu… banyak yang hit the mark juga. And I feel that quite a few has made him change a little, for the better… which is ALHAMDULILLAH. Otherwise, siapa yang berani nak sebut pada Wes all these hard truths yang kena setepek kat batang idung aquiline dia? So ada hikmahnya juga apa yang abang dia AH ni buat.

May Allah SWT Guide AH to be a better sibling and human being. Aameen.