Wes arrived back in KayHell yesterday. His flight was delayed by 4 hours… and was further delayed another 2. 5 hours during which he had to stay in the plane sat on the tarmac. Apalah punya musibat.
Apparently there were SOOOO MANY people wanting to get out of the country that the queue at Immigration took 2 bleddy hours. Subhanallah…that would have been enough to put me in a right mood 😩
No wonder his flight did not appear on FlightR*dar24 at the time when I checked the app, thinking that his flight had already taken off… because they were still on the tarmac waiting for all the stragglers in the Immigration queue. I was silly enough not to check the ETA on #FlightR*dar24 and just hurried out of the house to KLIA, thinking I was late. When I arrived at KLIA, I checked the “Arrivals” board and saw that the flight was only going to land in another hour.
Laaaaaa…. 🫤😬
So off I went to have lunch at Four Fingers… after which I adjourned to Coffee Bean and had a Hazelnut Latte with a slice of carrot cake (that had more cream cheese frosting than cake but hey who’s complaining 🤣)
Wes only emerged from inside the baggage collection hall at around 6:20pm, he needed to do his solat (kenapalah kau tak solat atas pesawat aje *smh*) so we only left KLIA around 7:10pm. We reached home only at 8:25pm because of the post-work rush hour traffic on the way home.
I was k-n-a-c-k-e-r-e-d.
Auntie V also returned from umrah trip today, she arrived in KL in the wee hours of the morning. She thanked me for spending time with Dad whilst she was away. I told her it’s my duty and responsibility. Even though I am the “CONDEMNED” one 🤷🏻♀️ (Long story, I will write about it in another post, انشاءالله )
Today I went to see Ginnie, my shrink. It has been a while since I last saw her, I almost forgot where her office was. I was already doing pretty OK at my last appointment with her but… with all the shite that happened in December 2022, I felt I needed to see her.
I have to say (and she agrees) the Lumree who first met her in 2021 is not the same Lumree now in 2023. That Lumree was very upset her husband was going to leave her and live separately from her overseas. The Lumree today actually prefers her husband to work overseas. (The children and the house help at least do not have to tread on eggshells and live in constant fear of triggering a violent/abusive tirade.)
The Lumree from 2 years ago didn’t want to be left alone, even though being together meant taking all his verbal abuse, his gaslighting and manipulation and having to pander to all the demands and whims of a supreme dyed-in-the-wool narcissist. The Lumree today just wants peace. If he mentions again about leaving whenever things don’t go his way, I told Ginnie today that I will tell him to walk the talk. I will tell him, don’t hang that sword of Damocles over my head each time he doesn’t get what he wants from me (usually money or favours for his Harambe friends *rolls eyes*)… I will make it easy for him. Let’s both walk in to that qadhi’s office at the Syari’ah court and he can lafaz what he needs to just to make what he has been mentioning repeatedly (ad nauseam!) actually happen 🤷🏻♀️
I told Ginnie just now, the way I see it… he is not happy with me. Why else would he keeeeep mentioning leaving me and ending things each time things don’t go his way? Is it merely a narcissist’s tool of manipulation ? Aku letih, tau tak? As I said, I just want peace. He says that too, as if I disturb his peace. Maybe lah, that’s how he views me, his wife.. as someone who disturbs his peace 😔
Apa² lah laboo… when you blocked me on Whatsapp and I emailed you to say, if you don’t want me anymore… then let’s part in goodness, as Commanded by Allah SWT in the Holy Qur’an. Immediately you unblocked me and started carrying on as if you never blocked me and nothing ever happened pulaaaaak. Apakepoonders, I ask you ⁉️
Just like when you told me to COMMIT SUICIDE. When I mentioned it to you the next day, you said “When did I say that to you?” Apakejoobs lah yaaa❗️ 😡 I told Ginnie, what a thing to say to someone you KNOW suffers from bipolar disorder (BPD), someone with a mental health challenge. Wot a bleddy insensitive thing to do, purposely calculated to HURT me the MOST. Bleddy small dick energy (SDE), padahal kau kena bayar pole tax, kot 🤐
In other news, there are developments to the “war” brewing between Wes and his brother AH (stands for asshole actually but let’s give him a name… Andreas Horatio Coen, AH Coen 😆) I have to say assholery seems to run in the family, in different degrees… of course. I am glad to report that my Wes Alasdair is not the champion in the assholery stakes, his elder brother Andreas Horatio (the ultimate AH!) wins it hands down.
Wes called me today to warn me to NOT accept any calls from AH nor be in contact with his wife, Sheila, anymore. Such a pity because I really like Sheila and we get along very well. Apparently AH is hellbent on breaking Wes’ and my marriage up. AH is even planning to call my Dad to tell him that Wes has been living off my money all this while. Errmm.. sudah terang lagi bersuluh lampu stadium Barnabéu kot, that ain’t news to my Dad. Wot does AH expect Dad will do? Even if Dad gets angry over this piece of so-called “news”… am I bleddy 15 that my Dad can TELL me to break up with my “boyfriend”?
Whatever it is, like it or not, Wes is my husband. Where this marriage is going is nobody’s domain except for Wes’ and mine. Period. Aku ingat aku yang gila (aku kan jenis gila yang kena makan ubat, nyaah 😅), rupanya abang ipar aku AH ni lagi GILER 🙄
As opposed to that newspaper named “The Daily Jang”.
“Jang” means ‘war’ in Urdu.
The on-again off-again fight/quarrel between Wes and his brother AH is on again. It all started from AH calling Wes and Wes not deigning to talk and brushing him off by saying “I’m playing golf and I will call you later”. Of course, as is Wes’ wont, he didn’t call back.
AH being AH, with an overweening ego the size of the free world, expects Wes to pander to him as an older brother. Wes doesn’t even take MY (his wife’s!) call! Dia boleh BLOCK aku kat Whatsapp lagi. Bolehhhhh ⁉️⁉️
So the war of words started with one accusing the other of all sorts of things. However, a lot of what AH said to Wes is true though. No one dared to bring it up, but AH did. In some ways, I am glad he did… coz someone needs to wake Wes up and make him smell the kahwa, maaaan…
I quote, verbatim, what AH said to Wes:
You need peace in your life, it’s like a tennis ball at the moment. Full of frustration and multiple gambles so-called failed businesses left you a confused man like a headless chicken. You’ve blown more money than you’ve ever earned and we all know where it came from. God gave you a wife and children, put your hand on your heart and ask yourself if you’ve justified that role and Allah is your witness. (Ada betulnya apa AH ni cakap actually – Ed.) I will tell you but many in the family won’t, your arrogance and big-headedness has brought you exactly where you stand today, NOWHERE. May Allah help all of us, Aameen.
I totally regret attending Nick‘s wedding to Tabz last December because I had to go through such heartache and humiliation that Wes inflicted upon me. I have always known he has a mean streak… and he let loose with that streak during the 2 weeks I was there for Nick‘s wedding.
If you don’t want me to make silly sarcastic comments about that woman who messaged you and said you must be “naraaz” with her just because you didn’t reply two (2!) of her messages… then you should have handled it better when I asked you why she feels she deserves a reply from you. You even BLOCKED me, your wife, from your Whatsapp once… and this woman can nicely ask you if you are upset with her just because you didn’t reply TWO of her messages. Ohkaaay.
Instead of jumping down my throat and GASLIGHTING me, perhaps if you had been lovingly reassuring and understood my uncomfortability with the whole situation, I wouldn’t feel the way I do now whenever I see her near you or around you (she flew in there for her new granddaughter’s aqiqah). My discomfort that this woman triggers is made worse by the knowledge that you used to think she was NOT quite “kosher”, leaving her husband and children behind and going to work in DBX on her own. You even cast aspersions on her moral character, then.
Sana Coen, (not her pic obviously, but she IS a needy, tired old cvnt) who saw fit to LEAVE her husband and small children to kononnya build a life and a career of her own in DBX
Suddenly now, when I went to Isloo for the wedding recently and found out she was chummy with you to the point she actually EXPECTS you to reply her WhatsApp messages, things had turned 180. You suddenly were so sympathetic to her situation and saying terrible things about her husband. Ehhh wot?! So all those things you say about how terrible the husband is must be from what SHE told you, right?
Apakepoonders perlu you, a MARRIED MAN, have such intimate and private conversations with a woman about her husband? If I had those kinds of conversations with a man about his wife, would you like it? Tapi kau memang selalu macam tulah kan, double standards all the time. What’s good for the goose is not good for the gander. Kau boleh buat tapi orang lain tak boleh.
Then, when I later told you to keep contact with her to a minimum, you just ignored me. I told you that those who suffer from a lack of love and affection will latch on to anyone who shows kindness to them. I told you that whilst you may not feel anything by talking to her or helping her there, she might take whatever kindness and attention you show her and run with it. Still you did not respond nor acknowledge what I said.
SO… WHAT DO YOU FRAKKIN’ EXPECT ME TO FEEL? That you don’t agree with all that I said and that pergi MAMPOSlah kau Lumree, ada aku keysah apa kau rasa… Imma just keep on doing whatever it is that I want to do…. my wife’s feelings be damned.
Aah.. and don’t forget, two days before that, on 10th December 2022, you already told me to “go COMMIT SUICIDE, TOMORROW you better go COMMIT SUICIDE!” Just because I cried at the wedding due to your hurtful treatment of me. You just want to show the world what a “wonderful” person you are, but in reality….people don’t know the mean and harsh verbal abuse I have to take constantly.
You always do your best in saying the things that would hurt me the most. Ustadh Shafiq also told me this, when people (you!) are angry they will choose to say things that will hurt the other party the most. You have a PhD in this.
You know my brother took his own life, and there you were, telling me to take my own. If I didn’t have the relationship that I have with Allah SWT now, I would have probably done it. You don’t know how MUCH you hurt me that day, Wes Alasdair Coen. I had to bite on my knuckles to stop all of you from hearing my wails of anguish from inside the bathroom where I bawled my heart out….
How you broke my heart 💔… and my spirit that day. 😔
How can I ever believe you again when you say you “love me”? Never again… all that has been said and done, especially during the whole wedding trip last December… has eroded what little that is left of my love and affection for you. You killed everything, bit by bit over the years. With every insult, every punch and slap that left black eyes and bruises in the distant past. I am thankful you haven’t laid a finger on me to physically harm me since our remarriage but… in terms of your behaviour, your narcissism… nothing has changed . The saying a leopard can’t change its spots is so TRUE. I am only pretending now… pretending everything is OK. I am only here because of Joe and you know it.
I beg and pray to Allah to remove ALL power and ability from you to hurt me, the children and the staff in this house, without causing detriment and harm to yourself. (Kalau kau tiba² terlantar stroke, aku jugak yang susah karang! 🙄 And to tell you the truth, after all the abuse I have had to bear over the years, there isn’t much ikhlas for me to take care of you as an invalid.🤷🏻♀️)
Pergilah mintak betina garit tua tu tampung segala perbelanjaan kau. Suruhlah dia jaga kau macam aku jaga kau dah masuk 32 tahun ni, jadi bank dan ATM kau. Tengoklah dia tahan ke tidak with your tyranny, your way or the highway. Dah ada CUCU pun masih nak menggelenyar dan menggedik. Cvnt. 😡
Dan kau, kau tahan ke betina yang flirt dengan segala jantan yang ada? Pergilah. Kau nak jaga perasaan dia daripada perasaan AKU, bini kau yang dah berkorban macam² untuk kau.
In my bid to gradually decrease my involvement in the KK, I also feel I want to slowly lessen my mindless scrolling through social media.
I have stopped tweeting altogether now, that was a bit of a cold turkey quit. Which was great, kinda proud of myself.
I no longer scroll those inane TikTok videos like I used to… but I do find myself mindlessly scrolling through the IG stories of those I follow. It never ends!
SO… before Wes comes home on Thursday, I hope to have stopped this bad habit. There are SOOOO many other fruitful things for me to do rather than scroll through the inane / weird / and/or wonderful lives of others *shrug*
Had Sunday lunch with Dad, Zane* and Gia* as usual today. Auntie V* is still away at umrah and will only be back on Thursday, 9th March 2023. Wes* will be back on the same day as well but in the afternoon.
Ugggh… I am filled with trepidation at the thought of Wes returning home, frustrated to the eyeballs, heavy with the weight of failed ventures. I just hope he doesn’t take it out on me, the children and the house employees… as is his wont. Sometimes I feel I need a chemical crutch to deal with the anxiety and trepidation that burgeons with each passing day. He is of course excited to come home but we (the kids and I) are not exactly brimming with anticipation and certainly NOT doing cartwheels!
Life is so much more peaceful when he is not around, we don’t have to tread on eggshells in fear of triggering one of his harsh/aggressive abusive episodes. It may be just verbal abuse these days but it is still terribly hurtful and traumatising. الله المستعان May Allah SWT Help us all in this house, may Allah SWT make Wes an easygoing husband and father when he comes home.
I have come to a point where I feel I am too old to keep being bullied and manipulated… resented for something I do to HELP. How unfair it is for me, to be resented for doing something to help. He wants the ‘financial assistance’ but resents me for forking out (siapa lagi nak bagi?!) because it makes him feel ‘small’. Aaaaaand we ALLLLLL know how terrible he becomes when he is made to feel humiliated / shamed / embarrassed. He will lash out at all of us like a wounded lion and doesn’t care how much he hurts us in the process.
😣😔😢 الله المستعان
The way I see it, he should practise muhasabah on himself first to pinpoint exactly what he is doing wrong… what is it that he can improve, so that Allah SWT will open ALL paths of rizq to him and remove all blocks and obstacles that stand in the way. Ini tidak, he busies himself on judging everyone right, left and centre (Terpaling Su’udzon™️ macam cheebs!) and NEVER has the self-awareness to see what is wrong with himself. This is also another problem of being a classic narcissist. He is NEVER wrong. *deep sigh*
* Please refer to the ‘Cast & Crew‘ page, on the top right of this blog – a glossary of all the people who are mentioned in this blog
Today is the 8th anniversary of Allahyarham Brix’s return to Rahmatullah, when he CHOSE to return to Rahmatullah by his own hand. I was at Dad’s but I didn’t mention it, not wanting to remind anyone about it.
It’s been 8 years and although we have learned to move on from the crippling grief of the early years, the pain will always be raw for me… whenever I remember 5th March 2015. It will remain my biggest pain until the day I myself return to Rahmatullah.
I miss you so much, Brix… the Robin to my Batgirl. May we meet again in a place more beautiful than this dunya. Aameen.
Betul sangat what is said above… and it goes both ways.
Kalau kita tak suka orang tu… kita jauhkan diri juga. Better that way, daripada terpaksa berdepan² dan berpura².
Tengku Chombi (TC) and I may go quite a ways back, but rasanya tiba dah masanya I jauhkan diri demi keamanan hidup dan keinginan untuk menjadi seorang yang lebih di-RedhaiNya.
Panjang juga cerita pasal TC ni, mungkin bila datang angin moyan adalah tu nanti dia disebut dalam posts kat blog maha sendu ini….
Ke..kau jenis yang bacak tajuk aje? Or just the first sentence of the first paragraph?
Nampak sangat kau tak pernah kisah nak baca all that I write in the Whatsapp group because your sense of self-importance makes you think that I have nothing of any significance to say. Like Awin told me lah, “You siapa Lumree?” with tongue wedged firmly in cheek 😏. Kaaaan. I have never won any Cameronian Awards but at least aku bother to read a whole paragraph (at least!) before I weigh-in macam aku tau everything 🙄
And to answer your question wahai 🤡 of the first water, YES… the prime suspect (not actually a suspect anymore but 99.99% proven!) of the giver of sweet ain on the poor child is YOU. Siapa lagi, wahai Tengku Chombi? Sampai screenshot video anak orang and tengok berulang kali? 🤷🏻♀️
Today, I went out to brunch with my #BaruFriendFriend (she coined this term, which I think is brill! 😂) Awin before she leaves for her home state after completing her stint at a Bank where they have chosen not to make her position permanent. Rather sorry state of affairs, if you ask me, she is very highly valued and appreciated by all the Bank’s clients. However, the Bank chooses to ignore the glowing reports and testimonies from the clients who are very happy with her professionalism and good service.
Apaaaaaaadah…
Awin and I were introduced by a mutual friend of ours, Tengku Chombi (let’s call her TC). We would go out to the parks around the city on weekends with Awin’s cute little toddler, Edin (‘E’). We adults were supposed to get some exercise in, whilst E would play at the playground but that never happened. We aunties much preferred fawning over and playing with E, rather than berpeluh² pusing satu park tengah² panaih menggeletat, ya know wot I mean?
There was certain “topics” and “agendas” that Awin and I wanted to discuss before she leaves KayHell this Sunday. It was lovely spending time with her, although our original meeting place was a flop (no parking and no tables!), we adjourned to a nearby café that was quiet enough for our chinwag.
I will miss her and adorable Edin. Even though I have only known her for these few months I feel very comfortable with her, as if we have known each other a long time. TC and I belong to a cov…🧙🏻♀️, 😅 eh no…. a group of female friends who have known each other for 17 years. I have opened up to Awin things I have never even told TC and the other members of this group. Rather strange how we can just… vibe with certain people immediately and with some others it never happens, not even over a long period of time.
Awin is a very warm, honest and open person. WYSIWYG. I like people like that, they are easier to deal with. No drama, no smoke and mirrors, no cloak and dagger stupid games that people sometimes play. I appreciate her straight-talking, her intelligent sensibility (despite all the stories I heard about her before I even met her!) and her positivity. I hope Awin and I will remain friends for a very long time to come, انشاءالله .
