Awkwardness

I owe these pages a story that I mentioned in the post the day before yesterday. Something “interesting” that happened.

Alex was coming home that day (Friday) from his campus and I was planning to make his favourite sliders (with my own homemade buns) and told Wes that I was going to go out to get some of the ingredients for them. He was looking at his usual YouTube vids and he looked up and said, “You’re a very good mother”. I was rather taken aback because I didn’t expect him to say something like that. (I should also mention that this is the same man who not so long ago said he never expected me to turn out to be a mother like I am when he married me, a terrible one who doesn’t know how to take care of her children… just because Sascha ordered a whole box of doughnuts and tried to hide it *shrug*)

I didn’t quite know how to respond because deep down I always doubt the nice things he says to me because there have been too many incidents when, almost in the next breath, I will be called names and so many aspersions will be cast upon me. So I am very wary when he praises me or says nice things about/to me. Rather sad, but there you are…. ๐Ÿ˜”

I just made some noises/a rather weak protestation that I am not one but I just TRY to be a good mother when he suddenly continued and said, “.. and a good wife too” and started to tear up! Wah… lagilah acik terkezut mawas! Siap amek tissue lap air mata nih.. He continued to say “we are all very lucky to have you in our lives and I always make du’aas that Allah keeps you healthy and safe”. I am embarrassed (?) to report that I was rather nonplussed and didn’t know what to say, so I just prattled on saying things I didn’t mean like “No, I am the lucky one”๐Ÿ˜ฌ yadda yadda yadda…

It was rather awkward. I actually went up to hug him when he was crying but all I felt was awkward, awkward, awkward…

pic courtesy of Truth & Authenticity

The thing is, with his narcissistic self, I never know whether he truly means it or he’s just love-bombing me to get his “supply”. (“Supply” for a narcissist is not necessarily monetary/material.. it could be adulation, support, validation… or whatever else that he needs to make himself feel good). It’s very sad that water under the bridge has brought me to this point. I would like to be able to take his praise and nice words at face value… but too many times, he has made me regret taking the nice things he says at face value because he turns 180 and calls me names, tells me to go die, tells me he never really loved me…

SO… do you blame me? ๐Ÿ˜ข

Cautionary tale here, folks. Be wary of the words you say to your spouse. It may cause lasting damage… ๐Ÿ˜”

Beyadab

Quiet Sunday at home. 11th Ramadhan 1444H. The first third of Ramadhan 1444H is done and dusted. Alhamdulillah. May the next two-thirds be even better for us all, may it be a time where we can maximise the benefits as much as possible, may Allah SWT’s Mercy, Forgiveness and Light be ours during this special time and always. May we all get to meet the Night of Power ~ Laylatul Qadr and obtain all its Blessings. Aameen.

Wes is at the gym, I am at home… thinking of going out to get some agar-agar strips to make dadih (milk pudding) using my #FrauThermoSechs for iftar later. We’ll see if I am going to be bovvered ๐Ÿ˜…

I am hoping to take Alex and Sascha out to practise their driving later. I am not going to allow them to drive until they gain more confidence in driving. That confidence will only come with practice, natch. Problem is, every time I tell them, “Lets go practise!” they are too tired lah, want to rest lah.. ๐Ÿ˜‘

I received a Waksep message from my cousin Kak Yuni this morning, asking me to forward her message about the fara’id hearing that will be taking place next Monday on Allahyarham my Pak Long’s property. Dad, my uncle and my auntie are going to waive their rights to their portion of the property but they will have to fill a particular form for that.

What I don’t understand is, why can’t she do all this herself? Why can’t she contact my father, Ayah Alang and Mak Chu herself? Bukan lebih molek dan beradab kalau buat gitu? Better still, go see her uncles and auntie personally to get her work done. I know my Dad is not happy that she can’t be bothered to come see him personally, he kvetches about it… but what can I do if my cousin chooses to be beyadab to the max? I am sure Allahyarhamhuma my Pak Long and Mak Long (Kak Yuni’s parents) never raised her to be so rude and beyadab as she is now.

I kinda resent the fact that she is treating me like her messenger girl/secretary. Banyaaaak cantik! However, verily I am fasting… sesungguhnya aku berpuasa… so I can’t be bothered to raise a stink. Biarlah. Moga menjadi pahala buatku. Aameen.๐Ÿคฒ๐Ÿป

Merhaba Nisan!

(That’s Tรผrkรงe for “Hello April!” ๐Ÿ˜Š Tak ada kena mengena dengan batu kat kubur, ya… ๐Ÿ˜ฌ)

April already. Time is flying so fast. Rather busy Saturday morning for me because I had back-to-back Zoom meets. One was an introduction to a new investment option and the other was to understand the changes in the investment option I entered back in March 2023. Alhamdulillah I have doubled my initial capital in a year but because they now choose to give profits in their own token/crypto coin and the value of said token/crypto coin is subject to the vagaries of the market.

I cannot withdraw any of my earnings now without massive loss because I entered the market when USDT was 1:1 to the USD. Now since the profits are given to me in tokens/crypto coins, I need to convert them to USDT before converting them to MYR. The value of the coin to USDT is now at 1 coin = USDT 0.10. Hel-loooo… that’s a (paper) loss of 90%. The moment I withdraw, I will realise that loss, so I just gotta sit tight and hope against hope that the value of the coin rises to at least 0.8, if not back to 1.0.

Poonderslah kan… ๐Ÿ˜ฃ

Wes had to take Alex to his driving school to collect his P driving licence coz I was tied up this morning. Now Wes is off hitting some balls at the range and I am taking the opportunity to dash off an entry here.

I must write about an interesting incident that happened yesterday (31/03/23). Perhaps in the next post…

Loki

Loki as a kitten, soon after his brother left for the Rainbow Bridge

I’m going to take the chance to dash off an entry here whilst I can. Typing this as I lounge with Loki, my first ever pet cat after yonks of not keeping one. He was left on the grass verge outside my house when he was still a very small kitten, his eyes were barely open. He was with his brother Tom, who was killed in a very tragic incident that involved Joe. It hurts me to describe the incident so I shall not but I cried my eyes out for 3 days when Tom died.

Scarface, Abang Long Kawasan ๐Ÿ˜…

I took care of Tom and Loki as if they were my own babies. I would wake up in the wee hours of the morning and feed them specially formulated kitten formula from this teeny-weeny feeding bottle with the long rubber teats meant for newborn kittens. I placed a heating pad under the blankets they slept in, to simulate their (absent) mother’s body heat. Apparently, this is one of the main causes of death in abandoned kittens ~ hypothermia. They cannot generate their own body heat and need their mother’s body heat to warm them up. In the absence of a mother, a heating pad or anything else that can warm them up is required. (Thank God for the heating pad I had for my back pain!)

He will be 9 years old come September this year. He’s the most loving boy with a scar across his face from a fight he must have had with the neighbour’s cat. As I type this, lying on my stomach… he is lying between my calves, I can feel his wet nose on my skin ๐Ÿ˜… and hear his loud purring. His ears are wonky because of the aural hematoma he suffered several months ago. Cost me a pretty penny at the vet’s but anything for my “firstborn” anak bulu.

Lina will be coming to see me later this morning to pass me a document I need in my legal action against the company that is suppose to pay me my dividend but is not. I just want my capital back, maaaan… These people are fast getting on my tits. Lina, as my Relationship Manager with the company at the time (she has since left) should have given me that document when I signed up. Her superior, that obsequious Mia Zundels Bukhara, should have done it too… but didn’t. Nak duit orang aje tapi service ke laut.

My social anxiety is causing me to dread the meeting. I am such an anti-social beast these days that I truly dread meeting people. Why can’t I just run my life without having to meet people? ๐Ÿ˜…

What’s Up Gais?

Made KA’s Colek today coz I have been wanting to try what it tastes like. Not something that I would eat again in a hurry. It’s all right lah.. it’s just fried stuff that one dips into a rather sweet spicy sauce. I prefer my colek to be of the fruit kind.

I added chicken fillets that I breaded myself to the mix that Kha*rul Am*ng had suggested so that not everything was processed on that plate… OMG. The Lollo Bionda was the saving grace ~ added colour AND fibre ๐Ÿ˜…

The final product with the sauce:

I think the kepok keping was the best part! ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿป

Puro Dolor

With Wes back it’s rather difficult to keep up to a post a day on here.

I have been in excruciating pain since Ramadhan 1444H started ~ sciatica flare-up. Nerve pain that shoots from my L4-L5 region up to my shoulder blades and down to the side of my left leg down to the ankle.

It’s so painful that I can’t sleep ๐Ÿ˜ฃ

I got myself a TENS machine that is helping greatly, Alhamdulillah.

Berceratok Angok

We live on the doorstep of one of the most famous and “celebrated” Pasar Ramadhans in Kuala Lumpur (if not Malaysia!) here in TTDI but I have not been to it even before the pandemic lockdowns for absolute years.

pic courtesy of Foursquare

I am not about to start now, with the prospect of catching Ms Rona (my fellow KK member, Ecah, went yesterday and she said it was shoulder-to-shoulder, berceratok-angok, as Allahyarhamha my Gran would say. *shudders*) and me hating crowds anyhoos… it’s an absolute no-go.

The food sold there pun, you have to make sure it’s sold by those who actually sell food outside of Ramadhan. At least that way you can be assured it will taste OK. Otherwise, ุณุจุญุง ู† ุงู„ู„ู‡ … these “situational vendors” (those people who only managed to obtain a booth/spot in the Pasar Ramadhan from DBKL for the month but are not food vendors at other times) sell food that is soooo tak sedap. Since it’s in TTDI, they will charge premium prices but the taste and quality semua ke Jurang Mariana ๐Ÿ˜ซ

As a result, by the 4th or 5th day, people would already know their food is tak sedap so their food will be tak lake. By the 2nd week, they will recycle the food that is left unsold and those who don’t yet know their food is bad will buy… and will get food poisoning as a result. Aaand… the cycle continues. This is why acik kosser, noksies.. ๐Ÿซค Besides that, all this over-consumption of food is anathema to the spirit of Ramadhan and the purpose of fasting. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

Might as well eat my simple food at home, which I know is not only “halalan” but also “toyyiban” as well ~ clean and hygienic, made with the best ingredients only. Alhamdulillah wa Shukrulillah for the ability and rizq from Allah to be able to prepare food at home easily. ๐Ÿคฒ๐Ÿป

Update 30/03/23: The YDPA and RPA mencemar duli to visit the TTDI Pasar Ramadhan today. Lagiiiiiilah berceratok angok ummah kat situ! ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

Marhaban Ya Ramadhan

First day of Ramadhan 1444H today. Didn’t do much, just a simple iftar at home with the usual dishes that we usually eat for dinner… nothing extra, except for the chemil-chemilan for the actual breaking of fast. The helper would make Arabic luqaimat (fried dough balls drenched in syrup), sambosa, vegetable spring rolls, Indonesian bakwan or tauhu isi. (NOT all at one time, just one or two max per iftar.)

Luqaimat pic courtesy of The Donut Hole

That’s the adat in this house, we break our fast with dates and these “appetisers” then we adjourn for Maghrib solah. We only have a full, proper meal (dinner) after we have done Maghrib. Nothing extra, just rice/bread with 2-3 dishes as we usually eat outside of Ramadhan. Baaas…

After the meal, Wes likes to have his cuppa char brewed soni dharti-style, by his wife’s own hand… and after that off he goes to taraweeh at the venue of his choice for the day ~ it could be Al-Kha*dem, the masjid near our house or even at home with me. These days he doesn’t even ask for moreh after he returns from his taraweeh. Back in the day, we would serve him whatever dessert I made or if there is none, it would be fruit and the leftover chemilan from iftar.