I owe these pages a story that I mentioned in the post the day before yesterday. Something “interesting” that happened.
Alex was coming home that day (Friday) from his campus and I was planning to make his favourite sliders (with my own homemade buns) and told Wes that I was going to go out to get some of the ingredients for them. He was looking at his usual YouTube vids and he looked up and said, “You’re a very good mother”. I was rather taken aback because I didn’t expect him to say something like that. (I should also mention that this is the same man who not so long ago said he never expected me to turn out to be a mother like I am when he married me, a terrible one who doesn’t know how to take care of her children… just because Sascha ordered a whole box of doughnuts and tried to hide it *shrug*)
I didn’t quite know how to respond because deep down I always doubt the nice things he says to me because there have been too many incidents when, almost in the next breath, I will be called names and so many aspersions will be cast upon me. So I am very wary when he praises me or says nice things about/to me. Rather sad, but there you are…. 😔
I just made some noises/a rather weak protestation that I am not one but I just TRY to be a good mother when he suddenly continued and said, “.. and a good wife too” and started to tear up! Wah… lagilah acik terkezut mawas! Siap amek tissue lap air mata nih.. He continued to say “we are all very lucky to have you in our lives and I always make du’aas that Allah keeps you healthy and safe”. I am embarrassed (?) to report that I was rather nonplussed and didn’t know what to say, so I just prattled on saying things I didn’t mean like “No, I am the lucky one”😬 yadda yadda yadda…
It was rather awkward. I actually went up to hug him when he was crying but all I felt was awkward, awkward, awkward…
The thing is, with his narcissistic self, I never know whether he truly means it or he’s just love-bombing me to get his “supply”. (“Supply” for a narcissist is not necessarily monetary/material.. it could be adulation, support, validation… or whatever else that he needs to make himself feel good). It’s very sad that water under the bridge has brought me to this point. I would like to be able to take his praise and nice words at face value… but too many times, he has made me regret taking the nice things he says at face value because he turns 180 and calls me names, tells me to go die, tells me he never really loved me…
SO… do you blame me? 😢
Cautionary tale here, folks. Be wary of the words you say to your spouse. It may cause lasting damage… 😔
